Series: My awakening (part 2)

After that first surreal vision at the hospital in Kuwait, I didn’t have another similar experience until many years later, well beyond my time in the military. However, I did feel very different. I began to notice that I could “feel” other people’s emotional states a lot stronger than before.  I think most of us have come across someone who is really angry or depressed and picked up on it, but I began to feel myself being in tune with everyone I came close to. I wasn’t reading their specific thoughts, but it was like the primal energy behind those thoughts was radiating from their bodies, and I was able to perceive it.

It felt like a distinct tightness in my chest, even if I wasn’t directly interacting with them. Simple proximity was enough to cause me to be aware. This wasn’t an intentional effort to read people.  It was something I experienced like one would smell a scent from a nearby person who had on too much cologne or perfume. I didn’t always detect something from every single person, either. I speculated that some were just relaxed and didn’t radiate anything, or at least anything I would feel.

barpeopleAt the time, I was a man in my twenties with a very healthy sexual appetite. I could go to a club and easily recognize people who were attracted to me and open to “hooking up”. I felt like a hunter picking from willing “prey”. My mind would be very focused on the purely physical desire. I could move through the rooms of people socializing and find others to satisfy my needs.

I had a lot of one-night stands. Everything was consensual, it was just easier because I could feel how they were responding to me as we talked. I was good at short-term relationships, but my hunger for new people kept me disinterested in monogamy. Even today, twenty-plus years later, that still holds true.

It was a very mixed blessing however, due to my inability to filter. It became increasingly more difficult to be in crowds, and by the mid-nineties, I stopped going to clubs because I found a new way to make contact with people: computer bulletin boards and then the Internet.

In those early digital days, the BBS scene was local. I would dial-in to a computer set up to be a messaging board and could interact with others. Some of the BBS’s were configured to allow multiple users to connect at the same time on different phone numbers. This allowed for real time chat. The users were usually in my city because long-distance phone charges discouraged far away people from using the systems.

So these were smallish digital communities that would regularly host “BBS parties” at someone’s home. There was enough variety to keep me satisfied, and when the shift to the Internet began, an explosion of new people in “chat-rooms” hosted by companies like AOL and Yahoo felt like new hunting grounds.

By the late 90’s I had fully adapted my sensitives into my carnal lifestyle. I still struggled with feeling “sane” and almost daily questioned whether or not I was suffering from delusions and my sexual success was the result of the confidence they created. There were a lot of rough times, too.

And then the visions returned.


Runecasting Services

10runeI’ve been casting runes since the late eighties. I have experience with multiple forms of divination but I really connected with the runes. I use the Elder Futhark runes and do a wide range of layouts in person, but online I offer a five-rune cross and a ten-rune Celtic Cross layout.

When doing a reading, I prepare my space with personal talismans and other items to help me clear my mind and be receptive to the message. I will then focus on the question being asked as I shake the rune bag.

The rune cloth I have before me has a line down the center. I will pick the runes that are face up, starting with those closest to the line and closest to me. Each one, in turn, gets placed into its position in the reading layout.

If I do not have enough runes face up, I will take all of the remaining runes and cast again, following the same selection process until I have the required number of runes.

Typical questions are about relationships, money or health. But I do not restrict questions. You can ask anything. The readings are meant to help you see things with an outside perspective, but I will not tell you exactly what you should or should not do. We must all make our own choices. I only help you to see possibilities.

If you would like to purchase a reading, visit the Runecasting Services page.

Perception Defines Experience

When you see a color that is “red”, typically other people will also identify it as red. But while we may have taught our brain that this particular light wavelength is to be called “red”, we are not certain that our actual perceptions of the color are the same.

Some scientists believe that our color perception is influenced by external factors that shape our neural patterns. Researchers state that two people can look at a red object and call what they see as “red” but the unique perceptions of “red” is likely not the same.


For example: We both say the apple on the left is red and we both say the apple on the right is blue. We both identify colors the same, but what our brain says red looks like to us can be different, even if both sets of eyes sensed light the same. So what I see as red, if you were able to see through my perception, might be blue or some other color.

This concept can also be applied to our experiences on a shamanic journey. Our brains make associations to make sense of what it perceives. While on a journey you may meet a spirit you call a “wolf”. Because you have seen wolves in our physical world, your brain may see a wolf because it is similar in size, shape and mannerisms. The spirit sense is different from our physical senses and doesn’t provide the same level of environmental detail to the brain. This means our perception of the upper and lower layers (worlds) are distinctly defined by our experiences.

We are all aware of animals. So our brain will likely associate small and medium spirits with different animals. But that doesn’t mean the spirit is bound by the traits of that animal. We could meet a wolf who is able to stand up and walk with us and carry on a verbal conversation. When spirits shapeshift, it is because our brain is adjusting to the fluidity of their energy form, which is not as rigid as forms in the middle layer (physical world).

Also consider, the colors we see on a journey are not from visible light wavelengths. They are perceptions from our spirit sense as interpreted by a brain that has been programmed primarily by the senses of the physical world. The other layers can start out being very abstract and surreal, but in time, as your brain creates new patterns and associations, it will all become familiar to you.

Updating our self-code

From a technoshaman’s perspective, we are all part of the source code. We are akin to a self-programming AI. We are powerful and adaptive. We literally have the ability to rewrite our core-self at our free discretion.

But the majority of us simply do not. For example: as a child, someone experiences a trauma. They revise their code to see the world as a dangerous place. But years later, they have grown up and the world isn’t as dangerous to them as it was when they were young. But they never update themselves and continue to live with an unnecessary restriction of still being afraid of the big and dangerous world.

This isn’t uncommon at all. Here is a familiar example:

A person of {Gender A} has a serious negative experience with an individual who is {Gender B}. The person makes an emergency self-patch and now mistrusts the next {Gender B} to some degree because of sloppy coding. Instead of just fixing the issue with the one individual, the person makes a sweeping nerf to all {Gender B}. You could also substitute gender with race or some other attribute such as nationality or even political affiliation.

We must evaluate our self-code daily. Anytime we have an unsatisfactory interaction or we are unhappy with ourselves or our situation, this is an internal bug report and should be addressed. Neglecting our own revisions, patches and updates can leave us with errors and crashes.

What didn’t work? What could have made the outcome different? What do I not like about my situation? What can I do to change it? To change yourself, you need more than a general wish to change. You need specific goals.

  • I want to weigh this much. NOT I want to lose weight.
  • I want to stop this bad habit. NOT I want to get healthier.
  • I want to react in this way to this situation. NOT I want to react differently when I’m angry.

Nobody makes us feel any way. We are responsible for the choices we make. We cannot control everything that we experience, but we can absolutely control our choices and actions in response to those experiences.

How we revise ourselves is how we define ourselves.